This is the weirdest thing that I think I’ll post. But guess what? I’m a weirdo. I’ve been thinking about how AI is going to further homogenize how we write, speak, and even think, and the impetus educators have to cultivate weirdness and weirdos in the classroom.
Speaking of weird! You know who were big time weirdos? The Surrealists. They had a practice of automatism, which was to try to write without the logic, patterns, or holds that have been printed on our psyche with the intent to bring the subconscious to consciousness.
So, here I go! I tried Surrealist automatism last week when I was prompted to write about what a movie of my life would be like. It is the closest I think I’ll ever get to some kind of exorcism. Lol. The writing group liked it. So it’s gonna live here, too. Let’s get weird. I know in my heart you are, too.
(Written after William Faulkner’s As I Lay Dying: “In a strange room you must empty yourself for sleep. And before you are emptied for sleep what are you. And when you are emptied for sleep you are not. And when you are filled with sleep, you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not…”)
and i think that the point would be oblique no real point meandering lost and found and aiming thing strictly when i learn the least and the most and the plot would be lost in some’s perception but it would make sense to me if i have to explain it you’ll never get it i want to play me who better to be me than me? genre? what is that to dramatize someones life to say it is only one thing i dont want to entertain get closer to the thing, the feeling, the notion of what is real there there in my head feelings fleeting and happening at once the same scene filmed many times from all the times it plays in my head to think of it and you and the joy and the things that i do because i am me and my values and the live in the truth but what does that mean if i’m always seeking
that oblique shit again
a contender always looking and finding other contenders length strength moving beyond whats comfortable the things that bring me agony are also my biggest delights like it and you and work and trying and i dont trust people who dont try hard. why not? what are you scared of? try hard not to please other people but not to disappoint myself and when i close my eyes you are there and then you’re gone but what does that mean out of sight not out of mind you haunt me still and then i said what i said i’d do and i’ll do it all over again. and i love you so so so so much and the happiness and joy isnt attainted, its in the business of me and all the things and the hurt and the loneliness and the thinking and the moving between binaries and knowing it is all made up but it gives me meaning and IT meaning and those shapes can be colors and we cant help but sometimes laugh when we want to cry. and my muscles clench and loosen and i let go and some pink and white blah blah blah looking at the sky and loving that the sunset that i look at will never ever be the same and that wonder cannot be captured in a film chasing infinity to know how the sun lives and dies it would make me cry uninhibited emotion for the temporary moment filled with extremes and a whole lot of nothing it would be non fiction filled with all the fictions that i build in my mind the outcomes are not determined and i wouldnt want them if they were the hours of nothing that have shaped my mind as much as the hours of something
Would it all be there?
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